thanks for killing my soul
THIS IS NOT OKAY
so I’m at Dairy Queen ordering for my family
and the cashier asks whether I’d like whipped cream on the sundae
so I kind of shrug and laugh and go “haha, sure, lots, whatever”
and let me tell you something
they ain’t fuckin around at Dairy Queen
HE’S WEARING JEANS IN THIS VERSION
DOES NOT COMPUTE
….except he looks kinda good in them.
NEVERMIND, I WILL TAKE HIM IN JEAN AS WELL.
Jean yes please
A possum broke into an Australian bakery and ate so many pastries it couldn’t move. This is how they found him.
oh my god I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW AUSTRALIAN POSSUMS CAN BE SO CUTE WHEN THE POSSUMS LIVING NEAR ME IN THE STATES ARE CLEARLY AND VISIBLY PLANNING A CAMPAIGN OF TERROR, I CAN SEE IT IN THEIR BEADY LITTLE HELL-MONSTER EYES
HISS HISS MOTHERFUCKER
so today, my friend Tyler went to Publix. he noticed that there was a promotional sale for Sun Drop, because like no one here buys it, and they were selling them for like almost 6 cents a bottle.
so naturally, Tyler bought 600 bottles.
it took 3 cars to transport all of the Sun Drop, and he currently has 70 in his garage, 70 in his room, and the rest is stored at another friend’s house.
without the discounts, his purchase would have added up to $935.
he spent $34
ok but i still feel seriously dumb for not knowing swag meant ‘secretly we are gay’
hold the phone
if it didnt mean that at first it sure as fuck does now